I wanted to write a nice, heartfelt mother’s day post, but I’m having a hard time. Here’s a confession: I have allowed myself to be snared by the entitlement trap. The one that makes you question, “Is it too much to ask for a little appreciation one day out of the year? One measly day?”
I know letting these kinds of thoughts in only makes me and everyone else around me unhappy (If Momma ain’t happy . . .) so I try to not be that way. I really do. But when other moms start posting their pics, that familiar monster of discontentment rears its head and takes a big old bite out of my good intentions.
I know them all well, every member of my little family. I know the intricacies of who each one of them is, their hopes and plans for the future, and how they like the jam spread on their toast. Sometimes I want them to know me, too, to see me as something more than she-who-takes-care-of-us.
It makes me cranky. Extremely.
Here’s the very, very foolish thing about this mind set. I say all the time that what I do, being a mom, is the best investment I could ever make. I love being mom, and there is absolutely nothing I would rather spend my time doing. I mean it with every single molecule of my being. I say it to friends, strangers and my beautiful family constantly.
I think I want breakfast in bed, and nicely wrapped gifts of writer’s books that show deep consideration and thoughtfulness. Something that shows me they recognize my soul. I do get gifts. And I appreciate new cookware, it’s only that I would like a more personal gift item every now and then, perhaps one that reflects my interests. I want to be seen, acknowledged.
But instead of recognizing me as a writer or the girl who likes roses, this is how they see me:
Reader of every single text you send her. Ever.
Possessor of magic mommy spit.
Emergency cash fund.
Lady with the mop bucket when they get sick all over the floor.
The soft, cool hands laid on a forehead and a kiss on the cheek.
Mender of torn clothes and tattered pride.
Advisor. Advocate. Rear-end Kicker.
Roast-cooking, sandwich making, vitamin-pushing nourisher.
Listener of stories and complaints and dreams.
The one to run to with happy news. The one to run to with bad news. The one to run to with the worst news of your life.
The one who lets you cry, even when it kills her.
The safe place.
They don’t tell me these things, but I know this is who I am to them because I live it every day.
I hope they never, ever see me as anything less than mom.
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